People with herpes should wear stickers.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
