They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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