i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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