Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
