I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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