I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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