Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
