I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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