so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
