What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
