I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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