I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
