come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
God, I missed his penis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
