If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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