didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
