You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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