he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
