i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
