so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
