I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Congratulations! We have a period
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
