OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
