I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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