my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
