I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
