i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
