Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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