why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
