I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
