I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
