Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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