You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
