A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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