Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
