Moan for me like Helen Keller
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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