I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
