i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
