Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
