What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
