half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
