I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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