I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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