the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My brain says no but my pants say off.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
