Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
