I feel great
I just peed on a car
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
