some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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