Its about making memories worth repressing
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
