I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize