Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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