I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
