when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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